My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
