When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
