dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
