so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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