Screwed.edu
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
