this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
