so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
