I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just gift wrapped bread.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
