What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
