i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I've blown a few things in my day
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
