I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
