I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
