You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
