haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
