The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Pooping to opera.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
