you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
