Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
