if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
