We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
