last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
