Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
