Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize