So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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