If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
