is your mom at the bar?
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
