he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
