If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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