I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
