Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
