I want to stick my p in your. b.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
