New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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