i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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