just tell him i said nine months
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
