Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize