what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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