if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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