Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
