I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
