i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
