They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
