There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
