R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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