Already got asked if we're dating
i just had sex bonerless
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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