He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
