I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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