How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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