I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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