I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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