I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize