if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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