Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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