Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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