Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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