there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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