everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
