As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
