I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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