It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
