when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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