dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
