K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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