I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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