This dress was meant to end up on your floor
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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