By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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